Down on Earth

Down on Lonely Avenue

I tripped

On a hell of a shell

And I fell

Me, an urban hippie

My floral gown, ripped…

Down in the void

A misfit, a rugged bearded man

Escaping, condemning society, materialism

Created his den

An onion, maybe ten

Layers and layers of Zen

Down on Lonely Avenue

My bloody knees

I lost my keys!

I might even have a kidney disease

Please… freeze, or maybe sneeze

To be accident-prone used to be fun

Like a pun

Now, it’s just a bull run.

Down in the void

I try to hold my own

Away from it all

At times, a Buddha in my soul

Seldom, as mad as Sigmund Freud

It’s quiet and free

under this Banyan tree

It’s lonely

only me and the green tea.

Down on Lonely Avenue

I crawl on concrete

I almost lost my wit

Everyone’s laughing at my outfit

My pain, my care

I wanted to transmit

Yet… the masses only perceive

that my cardigan is vintage and double- knit

Down in the void

The retired fellow

On a pension scheme

Of one and a half marshmallow

Banished himself and his cello

to this world of mellow

down bellow.

He renounced the sun

and all of its yellow.

Down on Lonely Avenue

The cruel with all their expensive fuel

Invaded the street

Their feet clad in meat

They bargain and tweet

I admit my defeat

Descend in the void

Oh, wonder!

Who is this other humanoid?

The panic wave

 

Hear, hear

The king of panic and fear!

it’s Monday

or Sunday

or maybe Friday

the days have departed

a mighty routine started

hours and hours,

and weeks,

a month of bacteria

no cafeteria

a deserted city

there isn’t even a kitty

a bleak soul,

Disinfect each and every bowl

breathe in, breathe out

the virus outside!

This auspicious year

has spread only fear!

Hear, hear

only time can heal.

The elusive Chronos…

he, alone, knows

how itchy is the nose.

The mask speaks

the skin’s so dry

bleach, wash, sanitize

don’t forget your eyes!

Did you order pies?

you better have some spies

if there is fever

you become a receiver.

The apocalypse, sci-fi

ghost towns, the future

Like in the movies

It’s almost quarantine

except it really is…

in Wuhan.

There’s no one around

no peace of mind to be found

Tell me, seer

all these folks

with all their jokes

were they to eat an iris

would it kill the coronavirus?

Just for laughs: Gags in China

Sometimes I am stuck inside of a huge, grey, dismal world, but then, all I have to do is step out of my apartment and discover the wonders around me. I am lucky enough to be in the right place for observing a multitude of things that can make one giggle out of the blue and bring a long-lasting smile on one’s face. Here are the things that turned my mood around in the past in China:

  • A middle-aged man carrying a Winnie the Pooh textile design suitcase in the metro.

 

  • A conversation with a 5-year-old during English class that went like this:
  • -Do you have cat?
  • -Yes, I do.
  • -What’s its name?
  • -Cat.

 

  • Women matching summer shoes with cotton socks.

 

  • -Hey, let’s have a nap!
  • Where?
  • Does it matter?                                                                                                                              
  • Old men wearing socks that look like lace or a type of laced transparent women’s stockings.

 

  • People heading out for a walk, for shopping or for other daily tasks in their pajamas.

 

  • Welcome to the new world of the latest fashion trends embraced by the old generation.

  • Migrant workers carrying heavy loads in raffia or nylon sacks in subways, buses and trains.

 

  • Some people bring their own foldable camping stools to sit down on when it is too crowded in the subway or trains.

 

  • People eating sunflower seeds pretty much everywhere: from airplanes and trains to restaurants, while waiting in the queue to get a dinner table.

 

  • People buying and wearing t-shirts, blouses, jackets and bags with messed-up messages in English.                                                                                                                     
  • Small bubble tea shops that have more than 12 employees on the same shift and can barely accommodate all of them.

 

  • Chinese restaurants that don’t provide tissues at tables or together with your ordered food.

 

  • People cleaning their plates, soup bowls, cups and glasses with hot tea before proceeding to serve themselves from the common dishes.

 

  • When at the beach, try the popular facekini!

  • Old Chinese people saying hello to me and smiling out of nowhere.

 

  • Kids shouting to their moms or grandmas, whenever they see me ‘laowai’ (foreigner), as if I were some sort of exotic monkey.

 

  • People occupying two seats in the subway and not bothering to move when other commuters are standing.

 

  • Young boys and toddlers getting a ‘bowl style’ haircut as if it would be the most fashionable thing ever.                                                                                                                
  • Other popular haircuts for kids!

 

  • People stocking up on rice and oil in the supermarket as if preparing for the end of the world.

 

  • Some people carrying enough crap on their e-bikes or simply on their backs to furnish an entire apartment.                                                                                                      
  • Street cleaners still using the old style twig broom.

 

  • Cleaners in subways and in some small Chinese restaurants mopping the floor while people are still walking by, ending up with a wet, dirty, slippery mess.

 

  • Toddlers, show us your butts! Trousers or overalls for kids that have butt holes to make peeing and pooping faster and easier, anywhere, at any time!                                        dsc04737.jpg
  • No space is too public to stop you from doing urgent tasks , such as toenail clipping or having a haircut.

  • The new use for the extra baby stroller in the house: walking the dogs or carrying grocery bags.

Holdorf-dogshow-012

  • Dogs in China be like: Bitch, I am more fashionable than you with my new trendy hair color!                                                                                                                                        
  • Chilling out, talking or waiting in the most natural position of all: squatting.                         
  • Talking about road and baby safety!

gettyimages-487258554_wide-2dbe000629dc698aefa9a209a86ec4d655b5cec8-s800-c85

  • The kingdom of fake stuff!